


In His Eyes

by butterflyslinky



Category: Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person, Past Character Death, Spider-Man: Far From Home (Movie), Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2019-10-05
Packaged: 2020-11-24 00:09:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20898407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butterflyslinky/pseuds/butterflyslinky
Summary: His eyes have always been sad, even when he isn't the one behind them.





	In His Eyes

It’s in the eyes.

Wide and brown, so bright, so sad. They’ve always been sad, for the last thirty years, and they’re still sad, even though He’s not the one behind them.

There were times when they were happy, when they shone with the light of curiosity and wonder, when inspiration struck and the manic joy reverberated through empty labs, infecting everyone who came in.

But you haven’t seen that joy in weeks. The tower is empty, the labs barren, half-finished projects cleared away, the research packaged up and turned over to Banner, who might be able to make sense of some of it. And you’re still here, looking at sad brown eyes.

Even when he smiles, his eyes are sad. Even when he’s putting on an air of contentment, he still has Tony’s eyes.

*

You’re trying to keep being Happy.

It’s difficult, when they all look sad, when the boss can’t bring herself to leave her office, when the princess is crying daily for her dad. But you can start to live a life of your own, with a woman seemingly untouched. After all, she got her family back after the blip.

But he looks sad, always. You see him, more often now that he doesn’t have anyone else, and if even though he isn’t crying, he always seems about to.

But you can’t make this right. You can’t make this better for him. You aren’t anyone--not a hero, not a god, not a wizard, just one guy trying to hold the last of a family together. And you can’t even do that.

It’s enough just to keep him alive. To see him start to thrive, to see him be a normal kid for once. Behind the mask, under the lenses, under the gifts he was given, he’s still just a scared little boy, needing a father in his life.

You can’t be that. You can date his aunt, you can give him all the support you have, but you aren’t Tony. You can’t replace Him.

And then he’s off to be a normal kid, somewhere in Europe, and you can’t even try anymore. So you go back to helping the boss, caring for the princess, seeing his aunt, and hoping he’ll be okay.

*

He’s not okay.

It’s immediately obvious when he calls. He’s scared, he’s lost, he’s so, so sad and angry and regretful and…

_ Tony. _

His instant distrust is all Tony. His anger at himself is all Tony. Even the way he talks, the way he moves.

You’ve been watching that for thirty years, too.

And you tell him that, let him know that he isn’t alone, that even though Tony’s been dead for weeks, you still feel Him everywhere. He permeates every room, every conversation, every movement that anyone makes. You don’t even have to hear His name to feel Him around you.

But you can see Him now, in the angry, lost, frightened boy crying on the Quinjet. And maybe he isn’t Tony…

But he might as well be. And Tony was a hero. Tony was an engineer.

He is too.

You see it when the music starts, when he starts looking through his options, moving things, making adjustments. You see it as he leaves his failures behind, as he becomes who he was meant to be. Not Iron Man, no, no one could be Iron Man. But Spider-Man. Not a replacement, but an heir.

And that’s all Tony, too. You can feel the joy and energy seep back into the Quinjet as he works. You can see him start to heal as he creates a new suit, new weapons, a new plan.

And He doesn’t feel so far away.

*

It’s in his eyes.

The victory, the relief, the knowledge it isn’t over yet.

He won’t ever heal. Not really. You know he feels Tony everywhere, too. You know that he’s never going to stop missing Tony.

And it isn’t fair. He’s too young to have that much loss, too young to be that broken. But he’s not a child anymore, either. He’s grown, into someone Tony would be proud of.

Into someone you are proud of.

So even if this thing with his aunt ends, even if you go back to a silent tower with empty labs and the sense of loss everywhere…

You just have to look in his eyes, and Tony’s alive, with all the pain, the sorrow, the doubt…

But also the joy and curiosity and brilliance of a hero.

Maybe He isn’t gone after all.


End file.
